You Can Do Anything, An Hour At A Time: Suicide Is Not The Answer

It was a normal day at the TV station, I was the sales manager, and also responsible for writing, shooting, and editing some of the station's TV commercials. There was always plenty to do at the little non-profit station in southern New Mexico. It was the first time that I had worked at a television station, specifically a Christian programming station, having spent most of my career in mainstream radio up to that point. I still remember the day that I first walked into that station with my resume in hand, handed it across the desk to the station manager, saying, "I'm Dianne James, here's my resume, and I'd like to work for you." He looked at the resume and we had a good talk.

At the conclusion of that talk, he said, "Well, you'll have to do sales in addition to other work..." I'd heard that before. I'd done that before, just not television, but I knew that if I could sell watermelons, potatoes, and radio airtime, I could sell television. Also, there was a more important purpose to this job. I didn't know it then, but it was an opportunity to help people, and to make a difference. The money wasn't great, since it was a non-profit, but it was also my first television job. The only other TV station I'd ever even visited was, as a young child, on my birthday when I was allowed to ring the bell on the Admiral Foghorn Show, a kind of West Texas version of Captain Kangaroo, in Odessa Texas. I didn't mention Admiral Foghorn.

I would be one of three salespeople, and would go out with the manager to meet my assigned clients, during those first days on the job. Well, in a perfect world, that would have happened. The manager was a very busy man. He didn't have time to hold someone's hand and introduce them to everyone. So, one day while waiting for him to get off the phone, I decided not to wait any longer. I left and started making cold calls. Months passed until one day while going into the control room, I tripped and fell on a tiny little step-down into the room. I didn't know a human's foot could bend that far backwards. I couldn't walk. Needless to say, I was on crutches for a few weeks, and carrying a brief case, making sales calls, and by then it had snowed. Not a pleasant experience. After a particularly slow sales month, I was thinking that maybe this job wasn't meant for me, after all. My boss called me into the office one day and said he wanted me to be the sales manager. He had always been the sales manager, and, to my knowledge, no-one else had ever held that position except him, so I stayed. The staying proved to be a learning experience.

It was during my tenure as the sales manager that a woman walked into the station, desperate and hopeless. I asked her if I could help her, and she looked a little bewildered. She said, with a slight Spanish accent, "I don't know, I just came in here, I don't know why. My son got killed in a drive-by shooting in Las Cruces, and I just got out of court." I saw pain in her eyes. Enormous pain. She was on the verge of tears, as she relayed the story of how her son just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, when a bullet from a drive-by shooter took his life. I had children of my own, and at that moment something within me felt some of her pain. Well, there was no reason for her to be at the TV station, she didn't even know it was a television station; she said she'd just wandered in, from the court house across the street. I noticed the braces on her legs, her graying hair and a look in her eyes that made me feel like she thought I could do something about all of this. I told her, "Wait, I'll be right back."

I brought her a Bible from the office, and turned to the book of Job. "This has helped me many times in my life, and I think it will help if you read this," I told her.

She took the Bible, said ok, and sat down in the lobby, and began to read. I told her I'd be back in just a little bit. I left the room to give her time to read it. When I came back, she was gone. The Bible lay on the sofa, and I wondered if she had even read the passage. I felt bad, that maybe I should have gone back to check on her sooner, but she was gone and nothing could be done.

Time passed, and the CBS Sunday Morning staff members had come to Alamogordo to shoot a special about gang violence with Howdy and Yahooskin Fowler as a part of it, with their cross-country camel trip, raising awareness of gang violence. The woman who had wandered into the station days before was definitely on my mind. I finally found out who she was and called her in Las Cruces, to see how she was doing, she had been so down, so depressed about her son, I had wondered what had happened to her. She said, "Yes, I remember you." At the end of the conversation she said, "Thank you. You saved my life."

The day she had walked in, I didn't know what that woman might do. I knew she was in pain, and very depressed. All I could do was talk to her and she to me, and try to give her some hope. I found out that no matter what our walk or position in life, we can help people along the way. You don't have to be a saint to help someone, either. Good thing, because I wasn't. All I knew is that she was so distressed, she might commit suicide.

Suicide is not the answer, because what you are going through right now might be the experience that someone needs in the future to keep them from committing suicide, or giving up on life- a source of future joy for you, being able to truly help someone. There is great joy in this life for you, if you give it enough time to find you. It is these tumultuous times, these trials of life, that prepare us for what we have to do in the future. Unfortunately, too many take their own lives, not knowing that they could help someone else with their wisdom of having been in that pain, too. They don't realize that a person can do anything, an hour at a time. A day at a time. What it takes is talking about it- even if it's to a stranger. Maybe even a pastor. Many people try taking anti-depressants to deal with their problems, but I've found that the best and fastest way to face the most difficult situations is head-on, right through the middle of it. When a person is feeling that much pain, the perspective from which they're looking at the situation is skewed by that pain. For that reason, it seems hopeless. It really helps to vent to another person who will listen. Find one that will, even if it's a stranger, because tomorrow is a new day. The sun will rise, the birds will sing, and you will survive this. You will be stronger for having survived this, and you will then be in a special position to help someone else survive that pivotal moment when life is in the balance.
Everyone has a purpose to their life. It takes many of us a long time to find what that is, but there is a purpose. You need to stay alive to find out what it is. Remember, too, that there are millions of people in this world who feel like they have no-one who loves them. There is love. Just keep living and striving for the joy that you will find. Keep learning and you'll keep growing. And don't forget, you can do anything, an hour or a day at a time. You'd be surprised to know how many people who are walking around happy today have, at least once, considered killing themselves. This moment now is but a tiny part of your wonderful journey of life ahead. If the Lord can use a plain old salesperson like me to help someone, He can certainly use you, too. Someone will need your love, someday. You can only love them if you're alive.

Did you know:

30,000 people commit suicide each year in the United States - a rate of 11 in every 100,000 Americans, or one person every 17 minutes..
The Rocky Mountain region has the highest suicide rate in the country.. In 1998, the suicide death rate in Colorado was more than 14 people per 100,000, making it the 12th highest in the country and 36% higher than the national average..

An estimated 9,600 Coloradans seriously contemplate suicide each year and approximately one-half to two-thirds of these individuals are not being treated for their suicidal symptoms.

Key Facts About Suicide

The largest number of suicide deaths occur among middle-aged men, between 35 and 44 years of age, with the risk for suicide increasing for those with a mental illness or who abuse alcohol.

Middle-aged men who commit suicide are also the least likely of all groups to seek mental health treatment prior to their death..

The risk of suicide death increases among men as they age and is particularly high among men who are 75 years or older.

Most of the elderly who die from suicide are white and are not married..

The risk for suicide among women does not increase as they age..

Suicide is the second-leading cause of death among youth, although suicide deaths among youth are relatively infrequent compared with other age groups..

Young people, particularly young women, are much more likely to be hospitalized for a suicide attempt than older adults..

Risk factors for suicide can be characteristics of an individual (being male, having a mental or physical illness, having a family history of suicide), situational (living alone, being unemployed) or behavioral (alcoholism, drug abuse or owning a gun).. Individuals at risk for suicide tend not to seek treatment for their emotional problems. Getting this population into care is an important goal of suicide prevention efforts.. National data suggest that only one-third (36%) of people at risk for suicide visited a medical care provider within the past year. Only 10% report having seen a physician for their emotional problems and an additional 29% visited a physician for other reasons.

Will your child die of Bullycide?

Many thanks to Brenda for her courage and conviction and permission to use Jared's story for this article. Please read Jared's story at the end of this article, and visit the website dedicated to ending this needless cruelty. This is an ongoing problem throughout the world. It needs to stop.

I've tried my entire life not to hate people, to avoid the bitterness that comes with hatred and prejudice. There is one group of individuals that I could very nearly hate, though, and those are bullies. When I was a child, I had probably more than my share of bullies, due, in part to my small stature and the fact that we moved a lot. Always being the new kid has its special problems, and the new kid is like a bullseye to a school bully, because a new kid hasn't had the time to make friends and build alliances. They're out there on their own, until they do.

I can remember when I was in grade school, and the new kid, being a bull's eye for girl and boy bullies alike. The girls would taunt me on the playground, threaten to cut my hair, exclude me or run away from me, saying cruel things. One particular day, I was about at the end of my rope with these abusers, having sat through an entire morning of having spitballs thrown across the classroom when the teacher would be turned writing on the board. I had already been kicked very hard, on the tailbone by a boy bully that day. When the bell rang and they all left, headed for the cafeteria, I stayed in my seat and cried. The teacher came over and tried to ascertain the problem, by I was inconsolable at this point. The straw had broken the camel's back. I had not talked to anyone about the things happening at school, not teachers, not even my parents. I would not stop crying, so the teacher brought the principal into the room. He talked to me, and calmed me down enough to get me to go with him and personally have lunch with him in the cafeteria. Just him and me. Those kids must've realized how much trouble they could be in, and began approaching our table with their desserts and food from their trays. I thought, trying to look good to that principal. I doubt if he was fooled, but the bullying stopped, at that school anyway. I didn't make friends there before we moved again, because I had no interest in befriending people who would treat me that way.

In other schools I encountered different versions of bullying. I look back now, and realize that I must have had some strength, to never tell on them. Sometimes, the bullying gets worse if you tell. In one school the senior class heard about the cruelty of a group of girls I had hung around with, and threatened them. One senior (I was a freshman) told me, "there's something wrong with this class, they're just the meanest bunch of kids." I silently agreed, and befriended another group of girls who were very nice. But then we moved again...

We moved to another town, in the middle of a terrible time with racial unrest and violence. I heard that a cheerleader had been shot in the face, so I decided I wasn't going to public school any more. My parents didn't fight me on it, I was fourteen then, and I was homeschooled from then on. This article is about children and teens who commit suicide as a result of being bullied. The one thing I had going for me was thinking, "I can get through this," and my faith in God. My family belief was that if you commit suicide, you couldn't ask forgiveness, and you've taken a life (your own), and therefore you would not go to heaven. Hey, it worked for me.

I can remember, at one particular school, while at home, one day, I discovered a bunch of books on the martial arts, Ju-Jitsu, that an uncle had left at our house. I was fascinated by it, and read every one of them. The illustrations showed how you could defend yourself, and even put an attacker's eyes out, break their eardrums, and many other useful things to a bullied child. I was only ten, then, and had no one to practice with. The Ju-Jitsu defense idea slowly faded from my arsenal, and it's just as well- violence begets violence. I excelled in my classes that year, and discovered the saying that I would hear much later, as an adult, "The best way to get even is to be a success" was true.

Most of the schools I attended harbored just a few bullies, and most of the student body was decent. It's just that the new kid makes a good target. They weren't all like the worst town I can remember.

What bullies do

Calling another names, putting them down
Cruelty: excluding the child, and recruiting others to do the same
Taunting and constantly teasing
Ignoring the person, diminishing their importance
Threatening behavior, and singly or group intimidation
Damaging another's belongings, with no chagrin
Taking their books, hat, other items that belong to another
Making another do silly, embarassing things to be "included"
Physical harm, hitting, pulling hair, tripping another

The types of bullies

Some of the indicators of an adult bully

Can be male or female, fellow employee or manager, husband, wife, or parent
Makes mountains out of molehills, in order to control another
Unreasonable/rigid management style, his way or the highway
Destroys staff moral, later "feels bad"
Now more apt to use learned cruelty through verbalization- aiming for "pushing the buttons" by using intimate knowledge to hurt another
Sabotages the work of another
Micro-manages
Still makes cruel comments and put-downs
Uses jokes to target, saying, "I was just joking"
Was a bully or was bullied in school

Imagine this (from www.jaredstory.com, used by permission)
"Imagine these things happening in our workplace. Imagine being harassed and humiliated day in and day out. Imagine being shoved in the hallways or knocked in the head--never knowing when the perpetrator will strike again. Imagine sitting quietly, eating your lunch, and being knocked from your chair. Just imagine that as your head hits the floor, you go in and out of consciousness, as you feel blow after blow, to your head and face. Imagine being told that if you ever defend yourself--you will be fired--but your attackers are allowed back the next day or the next week--to do it all over again.

"Hard to imagine, isn't it? How absurd to think that any business in the United States would operate in that fashion and stay in business. Yet, in the business of public education, we are telling our children to expect it and accept it. The reality is that others took Brandon's life long before he ended his pain. Brandon was courageous. He fought a valiant battle, enduring all these things--until he lost all hope. Just imagine." Cathy, Brandon's mom, from www.jaredstory.com

Yes, You Can Overcome Performance Anxiety In 24 Hours Or Less. Here Are 6 Things You Must Know First.....

People ask me all the time if they really can completely eliminate their performance anxiety( often referred to as stage fright, or fear of public speaking) and feel confident and in control when they have to express themselves in front of others such as: performing, giving a talk, a presentation or a public opinion at home, at work or in social situations.

It seems hard for people to believe that they can eliminate their performance anxiety so quickly, especially since many people have been suffering with it for so long and have attempted to get help through a variety of programs with little results.

The problem begins to look too big to solve, impossible to eliminate, overwhelming and improbable. Each time you attempt to change something in your life and don't, the more you believe that you can't . It's one of the laws of our mind. “What the subconscious mind perceives to be the truth, becomes the truth.”

When you suffer from performance anxiety, you know it by your immediate physical reactions which can include (but are not limited to) feeling sweaty and faint, fear of losing control, trembling, hyperventilating, shaky voice, diarrhea, weakness in the knees, dry mouth, a desire to flee, difficulty concentrating, pounding heart, and feelings of complete terror, and panic.

These feelings occur every single time you have to express yourself in front of others, they often occur simply in anticipation of expressing yourself in front of others, even though it may be days or weeks in advance.

The truth is, you must come to that point when you are absolutely ready to change, (read that again) then you have to (take action) and then you can become the change you seek. We get positive results by getting the facts, then finding the best solution to resolve it.

Having said that, here are 6 things you must absolutely know before you can completely eliminate your performance anxiety and the negative and debilitating feelings associated with it.

1.) You can't practice your performance anxiety away. In other words, getting up in front of people over and over again, isn't going to resolve performance anxiety regardless of what you may have read or heard to the contrary. The reason is simple. Performance anxiety is not a rational understanding by the conscious mind, it's created by your subconscious mind to protect you from this imagined danger. ( It's called a conditioned response) You will continue to respond to this situation exactly the same way you always have until you resolve it.

2.) Performance anxiety won't go away by itself over time. Simply put, you can't ignore it, or take time off from your career or your social life and then expect your performance anxiety to have disappeared on its own when you get back.

3.) Self-medicating with drugs or alcohol is not solving your performance anxiety, but in fact, is actually making your life, your health and your performance worse. If you are self-medicating to get yourself through presentations or performances, you are throwing away your career, your health, and your important relationships and you still will not have resolved your performance anxiety. When you resolve your performance anxiety you'll feel confident, in control and your performance will dramatically improve naturally, without the need for drugs or alcohol.

4.) Prescription drugs don't eliminate your performance anxiety. They simply help you to manage it in return for a variety of side effects that definitely diminish your performance. A lot of performers and presenters, from actors to classical musicians, to lawyers, to salespeople, talk about the use of beta-blockers and anti-anxiety drugs as a method to control their performance anxiety or( stage fright or fear of public speaking ) as it is often called. Again, the bottom line here, is that you must resolve your performance anxiety, when you do, the feelings associated with it will disappear and so will your need for prescription drugs.

5.) Avoidance is not a cure for performance anxiety. More often than not an individual will use avoidance as a means to manage their performance anxiety. The belief is that by avoiding such situations they are managing the problem. The truth is just the opposite, they are actually being managed by their fears and anxiety. For performers and presenters in particular, this choice can be a career ending decision. At the very least, you pay a very high price with your mental and physical well-being, not to mention all the lost opportunities.

6.) You actually can overcome and eliminate your performance anxiety, in 24 hours or less. Today we use techniques that are simple, fast, relaxing and effective. You don't have to spend months or years in therapy or thousands of dollars on programs that aren't right for you. All you need is 1.) to understand the 7 points I just shared with you, 2.) make your decision to fix the problem and 3.) take action by finding that specialist who offers expertise in fast change, fast results techniques for performance anxiety, stage fright, fear of public speaking and phobias.

Young Adults and Mental Illness-what are the Warning Signs?

Mental illness is not just an affliction that you are born with; mental illnesses can develop over time, whether as something that was predestined to occur or as an illness that develops over time. While some mental illnesses are certainly not generally found in young people, like Alzheimer's disease, others such as depression can strike as early as childhood and mental illnesses like ADHD, though over diagnosed, does affect many children and adults.

Young adults can suffer from a wide range of mental illnesses, and are more commonly afflicted for the first time than any other age group because of their rapidly developing brains and the many new circumstances to which they are exposed to during their late teens and early twenties. Young adults are not necessarily particularly vulnerable; however, whatever mental illnesses they were possibly born with are more likely to come out of dormancy at this point in their lives.

Schizophrenia is one mental illness that often strikes for the first time in young adults. Individuals may suffer moodiness or paranoia, which can both be potentially recognized by a loved one and reported to the individual's physician. Other warning signs might include the young adult hearing voices or seeing things that are not there. Schizophrenic individuals may also experience apathy or lack of emotions and might become worse at social functions. They may also begin to have trouble concentrating or following directions and completing tasks, and their memories might suffer. Schizophrenic patients also almost always begin feeling depressed before their symptoms degenerate.

Depression is another mental illness that is very common in young adults. It is characterized by feelings of extreme helplessness, hopelessness, and is not nearly the same thing as "feeling blue" or being "down". Depression is a serious mental condition that affects millions of Americans, and can cause suicidal thoughts as well as over, or under-eating, over, or under-sleeping, and a change in moods. Depression is not something that people can just "get over" or "snap out of", and may in fact require medication or therapy or a combination of both before the individual begins to see a lifting of their symptoms. The symptoms of depression can come and go, and are similar but slightly different from the symptoms of bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder, which is also known as manic depression, can be managed with medication. It is characterized with intense manic or "high" periods in which the individual becomes overly enthusiastic or optimistic and may begin tasks or plans that are not feasible. These high periods are followed by crashes and intense "lows", which can involve sleeping all day, feeling hopeless, suicide attempts, and other symptoms shared with depression.

ADHD is more of a disorder than a disease as it does not often seriously impair a young adult's ability to function normally in society, however it is possible for a young adult to have ADHD that does affect their ability to hold a job or otherwise function individually. This disorder often involves an inability to focus, being easily distracted, and similar kinds of symptoms. It may be made apparent in forgetfulness that is almost chronic or in an inability to hold still, and also with a hyper-focus on certain activities.

The diagnosis of a mental illness should be left to medical professionals; however it is often up to the family and loved ones of the affected young adult to recognize the symptoms before the individual can get treatment. Many mentally ill individuals do not know that they are suffering, or do not wish for various reasons related to their illness to seek treatment on their own.

People who love anyone affected by the above mentioned mental illnesses and by other mental illnesses should make a list of the specific symptoms that they see so that they can present these symptoms to a mental health specialist. Symptoms that you should look out for include changes in sleeping and eating patters, weight gain or loss, changes in personality, an inability to function normally, paranoia, aggression, and other unusual behavior. Even a feeling that something is "off" with a loved one might warrant extra attention or even investigation to help them get help with their mental illness.

No matter what symptoms are displayed, no diagnosis can be made until the individual who is suffering is taken to a doctor. A person taken to the hospital by police is likely to be treated and released quickly without enough attention paid to their actual needs. It is up to the family and loved ones of young adults affected by mental illness to get them help.

Your Diet affects the Development of Depression

Having depression can be quite… well… depressing. Pardon the lack of an appropriate expression, but the main thing is that we all know that depression can be pretty devastating. It is a hindrance to our social advancement as well as to our personal happiness.

There are some cases that people find a relief for depression by eating food or diet supplements that boost up the level of tryptophan. Tryptophan is a kind of amino acid that is responsible in producing serotonin.

There is also a study that proves that carbohydrates is an anti depression supplements. It lessens the premenstrual syndrome for about three hours.

Simply by eating a high density of carbohydrates can diminished the effect of depression in the body. Carbohydrates repair the imbalance in the ration of the specific fatty acid. Imbalances of fatty acids can affect the risk of depression.

There is also a study that shows an association between moderate consumption of caffeine drinks which lower the symptoms of depression; any excess can heighten the risk. Proper diet also helps to lower the tendency of committing suicide, in which depression is one of the primary causes. In this study, the doctors have formulated that by drinking coffee or tea, you can reduce the effect of depression.

There are also certain habits that contain harmful substances that may trigger the symptoms of depression, like drinking alcoholic beverages, too much cigarette smoking, and drug overdose.

Vitamins and other food nutrients such as Vitamin B, Iodine, Vitamin C, Calcium, and Amino complex have been associated with some protection against depression.

Niacin is also a very important in the production of tryptophan that helps promotes Vitamin B3 and it has been found out that it regulates blood flow in order to avoid mental depression.

Vitamin B12 and calcium ingredients may help in depression that take place during the monthly menstrual period. In the year 2001, there was a study that proves that this vitamin can prevent postpartum depression.

Those kinds of food supplements and vitamins may enhance the effectiveness of SSRI and other antidepressant.

In order to avoid depression you must choose your food wisely and have a proper diet.